After talking to people connected to a play that I have
recently watched, it has led me to this path of writing down my side as to why
I could relate with both Jaime and Cathy.
Jaime and Cathy are the characters in the musical The Last 5 Years – the
latest offering of 9 Works Theatrical, running till the end of August at the
Carlos P. Romulo Auditorium in RCBC Plaza in Makati City.
I just came from a break-up from a relationship that lasted
10 months and 20 days. Yes it is not 5
years like that of Jaime and Cathy but the emotional tour is similar. It is not the length of the relationship but
the weight of it.
11 months ago, I met this guy who I never imagined to have
connection with in both emotional and sexual level on the grounds of his age.
We happen to have an 11 years gap being me the older party. He works for a pharmaceutical firm, while I
was with a BPO company then. Nearing two weeks after we met, I opened my doors
in having a relationship with him.
Similar to that of Jaime and Cathy, we both had the happy giddy feeling
in the start of the relationship. The good
morning messages, the good nights and everything in between.
 |
| My 1st flowers coming from him |
Every month we celebrated our declared date of being
partners. Dinners and gifts were given similar to the emotional thought of
Jaime during their 2nd Christmas together. When he started staying at my place, it was
somehow similar to Cathy’s giving Jaime the key to her unit. He was there.
I was there. He met my family; I
get to be mentioned to his family. Not
because he doesn’t want to introduce me but his family is in another location. He
met my friends and other people I tag as family in my life. I met some, not all.
 |
| My 2nd bear from him - Popoy |
When I left my post during our 9th month that was
when things went different.
I started blogging during our 8th month;
something to occupy my mind as I search for a new company. It continued on our 9th
month. I get to meet people and go to
various places. Since I just started in
that field at that time, all my invites are simply an extension from another
blogger. I am the +1. Decency dictates
that I don’t extend the already extended invite. I go to events, he does his work and we never
got the same moments as before. My time
is based on events. His time is based on
his work and if I inform of my availability. I need to find funds for my
family. He needs me.
This resulted to no
more good mornings and good night’s
messages. I thought he was still there
as a partner. He thought I was no longer
there for us. He wanted time with me similar to what we had before. I need to find work similar to what I had
before to sustain my family. It was a situation similar to Jaime’s need for
Cathy to be there and share his success and Cathy’s developing frustrations
with her career.
 |
| My 2nd set of flowers from him |
For the first time in our relationship, we never get to
celebrate our 10th month on the agreed date. Prior to it, I asked already if he has any
plans since I cannot make plains like before since I am jobless. A day after me
asking him, he responded with a question whether I have plains on our monthsary
celebration. Honestly it ticked me
off. I have no means to spend on things
non-basic for my family and you’re asking me.
Adding insult to injury so to speak, he even told me that it would all
depend on his budget . . .as if I have an idea as to what his planned budget
was for that event. I never responded.
On the actual day of our monthsary, we greeted each other via sms and he
asked me whether I have any activity for the day. To be honest, I didn’t plan anything at first
since it was our day. I was waiting for
him to tell me of his plan for our day.
Since I didn’t got any clear response, when a notice came it regarding
an event that night I said yes. Later
that day, he mentioned his plans for us and I have to inform him that we need
to adjust it since I have said “yes” already for an event. His response was for me was to enjoy my event
and will see each other after that. I
was expecting to see him after the event but it never happened. Something similar to the frustration of Cathy
when Jaime has to leave immediately for a business meet and it was her show and
birthday as the same time.
We celebrated it about a week after.
It was a food review that I set-up with a friend working for
a food establishment that I haven’t tried yet but kept hearing about it. We ate, along with some friends of mine that
he get to know in the course of our relationship, and spend time together
somewhat. Why do I say that? I have to meet a client that day also. For me, the action of having him there during
my food review was my way of making-up to him. Share a meal and time . . .
something that we didn’t have for some weeks already. Unfortunately, I have to do business at the
side and he has to attend to his faith.
His Catholic also, don’t get me wrong, but he “discovered” this group
that he believes on in terms of how they celebrate their faith. I was born Roman Catholic but how I celebrate
my faith is different. Walls building.
Walls created because of either miscommunication or
non-communication, something similar to what developed between Jaime and Cathy;
when a message with good intent was received wrong because of interpretation.
When personal struggles are not voiced out properly. When matters are forced and one is not ready
to face it. When the realization that
there is a gap already between the two
of you and you started asking when and how it happened without putting a bridge
first.
There was no 3rd party in our relationship.
 |
| A gift full of efforts coming from him |
Perhaps there was, but it was not a person, it was my
events.
After that, I started seeing post of him enjoying time with
his friends; going out with workmates. I
told to myself: “At least he is happy and finding time to meet up with people
in his life.” I was happy that he was busy while I was still looking for a job
and running out of funds. Some people
already asked me whether he knows of my situation and my answer:”Ýes.”
I remember this event that I attended. It was a party and people were all having fun
except me. I was at one corner, seeing
all the food but I was unable to enjoy it because I was thinking of my own
family. How I wish to take all the food
home and feed my family. How I wish not
to eat and simply bring my share to my family.
I was that low. It was that
bad. I was silently crying and was
trying not to create a scene but my friends saw it and extended their hands to
me. It wasn't him who was there.
 |
| My last set of flowers from him |
Then I saw a post in a social medium that hurt me. He was
looking for a cuddle-buddy. It hurt but
I simply kept quiet. I acted as if it
was joke. Some of my friends reacted to it. The post and the whole tread were
deleted.
After the storm, still no sms message whether I’m good. I sent a message to him mother, inquiring
whether she is fine. Not to him. Someday
after that we saw each other in Makati but I never felt pleased with it. I was already drifting away, consciously.
Twenty days after our 10th month, I decided to
cut it off. Like Jaime, we both got hurt and decided not to continue the
relationship. It was painful, yes, but I
said to myself: “He deserves to be happy.
I see that he is happy with his friends.
His career is doing well! He
doesn’t need an extra baggage in his life.
He is young and will meet someone better than me. I am currently struggling and need to fix
things in my life. He doesn’t deserve
that.” Weeks after that break-up, we
came on our first argument outside of the relationship. It was a point when we were both lashing
out. He was like Cathy here – hurt and
empty, while I was like Jaime in the mind of Cathy – has moved on already.
He was simply asking for time and attention but his manner
of asking it was not received the way he was hoping for. I gave him freedom from my present baggage,
something that he wasn't expecting as a result from his action.
 |
| My first bear from him |
Recently, I asked a close person in my life, regarding my
sleeping pattern for some time now.
Before, I could sleep anytime of the day if I want to sleep. Now, I get
to sleep at around 3:00AM, if I am lucky, and worst would be 30mins before the
sun rises. My friend’s response to me: “You are depressed. You are still in the denial stage of every
break-up. Your mind is still
compartmentalizing the things in your life right now based on importance. Once you have settled your need . . .BOOM! I
will not be surprise if I get a call from you one day and hear you crying and
us hurrying to where you are.”
My friend could be right but like Jaime I am moving on. Even if it is painful.
**Thank you M.I. for
giving me the idea and courage to write this piece, not just the invite to
watch again the show from a different angle or to take that step to be back to
my first love- theater.
Walang komento:
Mag-post ng isang Komento